Working in Wilderness Therapy

I spent thirteen months living in Utah and working in wilderness therapy from 2022-2023. Here's a short introduction followed by a list of the lessons to which I was exposed.

From what I understand, wilderness therapy is an industry that seeks holistic healing and personal growth through an intervention that places a participant in remote wilderness for several months at a time. The participant is separated from modern technology and distractions. They are supported in group-living dynamics that mirror family dynamics at home. They are given space to confront daily challenges of self-care, weather preparation, sleep, exercise, and nutrition, all while being guided through therapeutic reflection by field guides and registered therapists. I recognize that many companies in this industry have employed alleged or convicted child abusers. I did not witness any cases of abuse (defined by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services) during my time of employment.

I worked as a backpacking field guide with ages 13-18. My schedule: 8 days on, 6 days off. My primary responsibility was student safety, and most weeks I had time to dive into many subjects with the students. I led group therapy sessions, facilitated communication between parents and their children, and navigated exhausting hikes through the desert. I taught firemaking (busting), backcountry cooking, leather sewing, wood carving, yoga, meditation and ecology. Some weeks I didn't teach much - I just tried to listen.

Lessons:

1. Self-acceptance begets belonging: when we find patience and love for ourselves, we tend to build connection and healthy relationships with ease. When we are critical and aggressive towards ourselves, we project that onto others by thinking that they, like we, are not enough.

2. My patience is extensive, however, I have my limits. My frustration and anger can grow wildly out of control when I focus my energy on trying to change someone or something. When I try to convince others that they need to think or be something else, I will meet my greatest point of distress. Instead, I can accept where others are at with the same love and understanding I use to accept myself. Your truth is worth something, just as mine is.

3. Humor is the healing serum to so many wounds. When I laugh I feel a great weight lifted. I value this freedom and lightness - I would trade it for nothing in the world.

4. Ceremony is a strong and valuable mechanism to honoring the events and people in my life. While ceremony can be a grounding, it's still difficult for me to adopt it into daily life. I think it's because I feel doubtful of my abilities and distracted by other stimuli. However, every time I have made time for ceremonial recognition, I feel a greater sense of purpose and contentment.

5. It is acceptable and powerful to be patient when responding and making decisions. This includes taking space from an individual or a group, journaling to process initial reactions and emotions, allowing time to pass before choosing a way forward, and by saying, "I don't know right now - I'll have to take some time to think about that. "

6. Self care is a wide category of coping behaviors and loving introspection. The act of caring for ourselves gives us greater energy to care, listen, and find compassion for others. Self care includes creative expression, sexual expression, hygiene, comfort, celebration, humor, risk-taking, reflection, movement, games, play, and meditation. Without self care, I will crumble and become a tool at the disposal of everyone else around me.

7. I cannot rush my healing just as I cannot rush the healing of others. Healing takes time and can act both intentionally and unintentionally.

8. I can be manipulated. While I wish I were impervious to manipulation because it generates great frustration and anger within me, I am grateful for the realization moments because I learn. Manipulation, however, is a loaded term (free-will philosophy at play) and there are cases where manipulation can benefit the self and the other, but I am unsure and without final thoughts on this topic.

9. Feedback from others helps me to see beyond my blind spots when considering how my actions affect others. I can choose to be open to feedback or to be closed, neither is better. I value working with a team that is comfortable and open to feedback because I know that I can be authentic, honest, and curious.

10. I'm very strong. Mentally and physically, emotionally and spiritually. I am not invincible though, and there are times where I need support from either a community or a professional. If I ever become too proud to admit this, to admit that I make mistakes and then I need help too, I become reacquainted with harsh burnout.

11. Addiction is quite powerful and I am not immune. Cycles of shame, self pity, victimization, and low self-esteem can slow flow when I engage in addictive patterns, relying on some external stimulus to deliver feelings of pleasure and comfort.

12. Discomfort, fear, confusion, and unsettling disturbance is natural. Trust: in the end, things will clear up and I will learn. To know my peak, I must also know my valley. The dark is required to see light.

The most difficult challenge for me working as a wilderness therapy guide is actually indirectly related to the work. It was finding connection outside of my coworker community. I found that many times when I told someone where I work or what I do, they react with either confusion + curiosity OR surprise + disgust. "Oh so you're the one who steals kids out of there room at night and takes them to be fixed in the wilderness? That's fucked up." This is exhausting and disappointing to hear when I value the work and the process that I, coworkers, and students have undergone. I didn't realize how controversial the industry was (or has been) when I began a year ago.

While I do appreciate my thoughts and ethics being challenged, this kind of consistent response for a year has had an exhausting effect on my attempts to connect with others. It helped me realize that I often use my job as part of my identity, and therefore have had to find new ways to connect with people other than telling them what I do for a living. And that's hard! Because I have been telling people about my work as a part of my identity for my entire life. If what I spend the majority of my time doing is not easily acceptable and is more often challenged, I am left questioning the value, efficacy, and importance of how I spend my time and earn my living. I don't feel validated outside of my coworkers. So I began leaning deeply into relationships that may start out as professional, but that grow in depth and meaning greatly over time. This is also difficult for me because it then becomes a life that is an echo chamber of the tools and experiences of my workplace. What I am ultimately pointing to here is the simultaneous effects of outer influences and circumstances alongside my inner beliefs, decisions and feelings. The combination has produced quite a unique lifestyle that I think can only be understood by those who have replicated it. Nonetheless, I'm grateful for connection and community for both of kept me afloat when I thought I was out of air.